We’ve had a lot of information written about the role of the mother in our society so today I would like to focus on the role of the father. I’ve been wondering about the difference in being a father compared to being a parent. I guess in some ways they are pretty much the same. In other ways they are a little different. I remember when our sons were born and I was at the hospital gazing in wonder at them through a germ-proof window. When I pointed to my new baby, nurses and other people at the hospital would ask me if I was the father. They never asked me if I was the parent. And I guess at that time I felt like I was a father. And it was a very special feeling for me.

I thought a lot about the role of a father then and it struck me that I was the biological father to these sons. And I would be their biological father forever. And even when I died I would still be their biological father. And even if they gained a step-father they could never replace me as the biological father. That was such a powerful feeling knowing that my sons and I would be linked forever.

When my wife and I took our sons home from the hospital I began so see what a parent was all about. At first being a parent meant that we didn’t have to share our children with anyone. They were in our home and we had them all to ourselves. We could play with them. We could be silly with them and we could really enjoy them.

But soon I found out that having a baby in the house could be very inconvenient. When I was fast asleep during the night it was hard for me to accept the fact that this child would have the nerve to upset my sleep with some very inconsiderate howling. And it didn’t take long to see that our social schedule was going to revolve around each new baby’s schedule.

Being a parent also brought a lot of fear and anxiety. I remember when our first son had his first high temperature. My wife and I are two fairly intelligent people; but we were pretty much paralyzed as we checked the thermometer that night. "Should we call the doctor?" Should we call our parents?" "Should we give him another bath?" "Should we wait until morning?"

In those days we had a rectal thermometer and I can still see Ross’s face as we kept spearing him with the thermometer. He had this look of bewilderment on his face. He looked like he was pleading for one of us to step up to this situation and make a decision about solving our problem. But he only saw two more faces with that same look of bewilderment not having a clue as to what to do.

When my boys were in school people called me a parent more than a father. They usually had special days for parents to visit and talked a lot about working closely with the parents of their students. I think teachers and parents share many of the same roles with our children. We are both teachers to the children and we both have a major responsibility in their lives.

I remember that Father’s Day was a special day when I would be acknowledged for my support to my children. That was a day that would make me reflect on my role as a father and it would always remind me of that powerful, permanent bond between me and my sons.

I saw myself as an involved father and parent with my sons until they graduated from college and went out on their own. At that point I think I gave up the role of being a parent to them and now I am just their father. Now when I interact with my grown sons I don’t feel the responsibility of a parent. I don’t feel the need to give them advice and I don’t try to correct or direct them. Now I feel I am a lot more like a friend or a guest in their home rather than a parent or a teacher.

A few years ago I was preparing to play in a golf tournament with my son, Brian. I heard him in the next room on the phone talking to his friend who was going to play in our foursome. I could hear that the friend was disappointed that a parent was going to play with him and maybe spoil the fun. I heard Brian say, "No, he isn’t like that. He is a great guy and you’re going to have a great time playing with him." I guess my role as a parent was officially over with Brian. I could play in his foursome as father and friend.

As a parent and as a father I have gotten some headaches and some gray hairs from my sons. But mostly I have received so much pleasure and much satisfaction from being the father and the parent of three great sons.